Coffee Table Musings of the Da Vinci in Cowboy Boots
Pithy Prose and Perspicacious Aphorisms
by
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“A long, long time ago, on a tiny, insignificant planet called Earth, its primordial broth, bathed a biochemical gumbo, irradiated it with sunlight and lightening bolts, brought it to a boil, let it cool and TAH-DAH! A replicative molecule was spawned. Being educable, over millennia it overcame narcosis and became aware that it was aware….aware of itself. Narcissism rapidly ensued and it became obsessed with self-replication. The hardy helix hastily scaled the phylogenetic tree, crawling through you and slithering over me. Willing to make all sacrifices, it now offers up its human host, to the god of immortality to feed its mania and to secure the dubious title of “cancer.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 6/18/04 “Medicine’s history and its practice teaches us that physicians and scientists alike, can be blinded by obviousness and entrapped by ignorance.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 5/2/04 “Future’s shape is sculpted by the persistent kneading hands of the impossible dreamer.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 5/2/04 “Even though our oral cavity and gastrointestinal tract are teeming with microbial life, we maintain healthy homeostasis. Self-cure overcomes nature’s insults, along with man’s nostrums and levels the playing field for crystal therapy, urine drinking, cupping, magnets, acupuncture, hexing, Western medicine and the like. Medicine’s recorded history teaches that, in spite of man’s meddlesome tendencies, we are bolstered and sustained by self-cure and its best buddy, placebo.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 8/12/04 Great thoughts are a relative rarity; whereas, great mistakes are commonplace. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 8/19/04 Darwin’s natural selection has morphed into un-natural selection. We can no longer hide from the Jeckel-Hyde reality. Like a balloon clown, technology precariously molds and folds humankind’s genetic helix into a nucleic acid pretzel of its own choosing. The fundamentals of evolution have been bypassed by the white coated marauders manipulating white rats. Extrapolating, we now have green pigs, which glow in the dark, riding along with us on our lonely little planet, as we whizz through the universal expanse of fundamental nothingness, not aware that all may be hopelessly diluted throughout the rarefied reality of infinity. Hoo-fricking-ray, homo tecknapiens. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 5/17/06 Throughout recorded history, man is the only species scampering to participate in mass insanity… alone or in groups, over and over again. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 12/13/06 Life is designed such that human perfection is never-ever obtainable. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 1/19/07 If the free radical theory had been a horse, it would now be glue. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 1/13/07 Customarily, we do not die all at once. We die in pieces, little by little. First, the blood vessels of the heart and the brain go. Concurrently, the lungs lose functionality and oxygen delivery throughout the body declines, as we slowly suffocate in the open air. Muscle mass dwindles, whilst the high school hunk morphs into a walking adipocyte. Vision squints, as silence settles in the ears. All the while, the plaques thicken and the cancerous crab scoots freely about and breeds. Hail, hail, the death gang is all here to sing the final verse of life. Peace be with you, “a little piece at a time.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 1/3/08 Memory is an approximation only. The recipe of recall is made with a dash of facts, a pinch of fantasy and a smidgen of fabrication….and don’t you forget it. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 1/08/07 I once woke up from a hangover so bad, that I had blood-shot hair. Bottoms up, boys. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 5/15/08 “The master’s guard dogs were characterized as pernicious, rapacious and only capable of uncontrollable violence. Yet, they only acted instinctively, with the innate loyalty of an ever-dedicated protector. And, so it is, with the maligned reactive oxygen species; truly, man’s best friend.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 11/25/04 Thermodynamics’ second law is wrong. The life force proliferates with ever increasing levels of complexity. In our sector of the universe, order is being propagated in an inverted, growing pyramidal pattern by generational increments of assemblage. On earth, time’s arrow is shot from the bow of the living and is not carried in the quiver of Chaos. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 5/29/05 “The massive and muscular poly-pharmacy snake, drives its shiny fangs through the patient’s wallet and deep into its prey’s pale, quivering, and sickened flesh. It writhes, whist pumping its synthesized venom throughout the victims vascular tree. Poisoned blood cells and neurons succumb, with convulsive attempts to live, but in the end the serpent of profit always seems to win.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 12/18/04 “Increasingly, the pharmaceuticide-wolf is dressed in the sheep-white lab coat of the modern physician, who shepards his sickly-flock.” R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 8/17/04 Just when you figure out that you can not figure out life, is when you realize that we are all as dumb as a box of roxs….er, rocks. R. M. Howes M.D., Ph.D. 11/28/08 Comprehensive Rejuvenating Antioxidant Program: C.R.A.P. Yes, this is their antiaging plan. There are CRAP creams, CRAP pills, CRAP supplements, CRAP shampoos, etc. In short, it’s all a lot of CRAP. R. M. Howes M.D., Ph.D. 2/22/09 Humans are being rejected by the planet. I feel it. R. M. Howes M.D., Ph.D. 6/8/09 In the sewer of universal facts, I only seek to grasp turds of truth, bobbling amongst the multitude of fictitious floaters. At best, the grueling labor still stinks. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 9/7/09 I have a burning combustive love of oxygen deep inside of me. Honestly, I do…. and so do you. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 9/10/09 Man: The planet’s craziest critter. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 9/14/09 In my editorials regarding out-of-control Big Pharma, I merely represent an annoying chigger attacking the dangling, sweaty scrotum of a gargantuan elephant. I can’t really hurt it but, assuredly, I can irritate the hell out of it. R. M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. 9/20/09
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About the Book
The mind is fortified by learning and the spirit is strengthened by doing. Combined, they become exponential.
During the compilation of Dr. Randolph Howes’ research books on oxygen metabolism, he recorded his random musings for both informative and entertainment purposes. Coffee Table Musings of the Da Vinci in Cowboy Boots represents a five year collection of his pithy prose and perspicacious aphorisms.
With sardonic humor akin to Ambrose Bierce, Howes’ intellectual capacity nevertheless ranks with the best in science and medicine today. He covers a plethora of subjects in the scientific world and in our everyday lives. Whether it’s about a “thermodynamic treasure trove of biochemical perplexities,” the frailty of human perfection, or Leo Tolstoy’s wisdom, Howes delivers a funny and thought-provoking read.
Take a minute to enjoy Howes’ unique brand of wit. These “sardonic nuggets” are like potato chips…you can’t consume just one!
About the Author
Prof. Hon. Randolph M. Howes, M.D., Ph.D. was the first in the history of Tulane School of Medicine to be awarded a Doctorate of Medicine and a Ph.D. in biochemistry concurrently. He was trained as a general surgeon and a plastic surgeon at the prestigious Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland.