The Adventures of Commander Didlittle and the Lost Battalion
by
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CHAPTER 1
Summons to Headquarters
General Higginbottom hung up the phone and said to his assistant, “We’ve got an impossible situation on our hands on Kumquat Island. Get me Didlittle on the phone right away!”
“Sir, I have Didlittle on the phone,” said the assistant.
“Hello, Didlittle? I want you here right away!”
“All right, General. This sounds urgent. What’s the matter?”
“No questions, Didlittle. Just get to London headquarters immediately.”
“Yes, sir. I’m on my way!”
After hanging up the phone, he turned to his aide de camp and said, “Hawksbury, the General has urgently ordered me to London. We’re out the door. I’ll drive!”
Commander Didlittle and Hawksbury rushed out to their car and zoomed off to the train station. On arrival, Didlittle jumped out and started running to catch a moving train just leaving the station.
“Wait, Commander,” yelled Hawksbury.
“Not now, Hawksbury. Can’t you see I’ve got to catch this train before it gets away?”
Didlittle just managed to jump onto the train before it got away from him.
“But, Commander,” yelled Hawksbury.
But by now Didlittle and the train had travelled out of earshot and disappeared out of sight.
Commander Didlittle gathered his composure, brushed back his hair, and strutted into the dining car. He sat at an empty table and ordered bangers, mash, and eggs. When the food arrived, he said to the waiter, “I’ll need this big breakfast because I’ve been ordered down to London by General Higginbottom of MOOGOO, who will be sending me and my battalion off to some exotic land to do good deeds for Queen and Country.”
The waiter gave Didlittle a stunned look and shook his head.
“Don’t shake your head at me, young man. Don’t you know who I am? I am Commander Didlittle of the Lost Battalion, and I am a very important man. I travel all over the world doing highly dangerous work for the British military…and the Queen, of course. Don’t you shake your head, I am a world traveller, and I can find my way around any part of the world. In fact, I think it can be said that I am one of the most experienced and smartest travellers in the world. Why, just last year we were in India, and if it wasn’t for the Bengal tigers, we wouldn’t have gotten lost. But that doesn’t distract from the fact that I am Commander Didlittle, and I am one of the smartest travellers in the world.”
The waiter was waiting for Didlittle to take a breath, and when he finally did, the waiter said, “But, sir, this train isn’t going to London.”
“It’s not? Then where is it going?”
“To Scotland, sir.”
“What? Pull the emergency cord! I must get off this train at once.”
After the train stopped, Commander Didlittle got off with his bangers, mash, and eggs wrapped in a newspaper. A few minutes later, sitting on the roadside and eating, Didlittle was approached by a local chap who asked, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to London. Can you help me?”
“Well, I’ve only got a Mercedes…”
“A Mercedes, that’s perfect! How about giving me a ride to London? This is an emergency!”
“Okay.”
The two walked down the road to the nearest farmhouse. A few moments later, Didlittle and the chap appeared on the street riding on an old hay wagon.
“You didn’t tell it was a Mercedes hay wagon.”
“You didn’t ask,” the man said.
“How long will it take for the hay wagon to get to London?”
“Oh, about five days or so.”
“That will never do. I am on urgent MOOGOO business and must be in London as soon as possible.”
“Well, if I don’t spare the horses, I can get you there in four days.”
Commander Didlittle sat quietly alongside the farmer in an intense state of frustration and thought about what his transportation alternatives were, aside from the hay wagon. Then he saw a Porsche coming up the road, and quick as a flash, Didlittle pulled out his flare gun and fired a distress signal into the air. The red flair lit up the sky, and the Porsche came to a stop alongside the hay wagon. Didlittle jumped down and marched with authority up to the driver of the Porsche.
“I am Commander Didlittle, and I have urgent business at MOOGOO Headquarters in London. I need you to take me there immediately!”
The driver, obviously very impressed with Didlittle’s authoritative military manner, said, “Yes, of course.”
Four hours later, the Porsche pulled up in front of MOOGOO Headquarters.
CHAPTER 2
The Mission
“W
hat took you so long, Didlittle?”
“Well, sir, I started for London and then I ended up going to Scotland and then I caught a Mercedes but that turned out to be a hay wagon and then...”
“Enough! I don’t want to hear anymore. Step over to the map. I want to show you your next impossible, no, challenging mission. As you know, Didlittle, I only send you out on the challenging assignments because somehow you always come back, even though we’re sure you and your Lost Battalion don’t have a chance. Well, never mind. Let’s get on with it, shall we?”
“Study the map carefully, Didlittle. What do you see?”
“I see a big coffee cup stain in the middle of the map.”
“Very good, and that’s where you’re going: off the coast of Costa Rica, where the finest coffee is grown.”
“But, sir, Costa Rica is a beautiful and peaceful country. Why would we need to go there?”
“Because our agent there has reported that the Kumquat Island Coffee Company plantation has been taken over by a rebel group who we’ve code-named the Teeny Weenie Meanies. They’re small but they pack a powerful punch, and we think they’re holding the owner’s family, the Flanagans, as hostages. I want you and your battalion to go in and rescue them. Get your battalion out to the airport for an early morning take off, with full parachute gear, of course.”
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About the Book
Commander Didlittle is a brilliant, soft-hearted, hard-nosed Commander who is sent on impossible missions. His brilliance is needed to make it through the incredible messes he gets into by never reading his orders carefully enough. His friendship with Canterbury, a ghost, also helps.
But will he be able to rescue the Flanagan family from their elusive captors, the Teeny Weenie Meanies, and restore peace to the Kumquat Island Coffee Company? Maybe with the help of the true hero of this story, nine-year-old Bradley Flanagan, who displays an abundance of common sense…an attribute that is truly lacking in laughable but lovable Commander Didlittle.
Join Commander Didlittle, Bradley, Canterbury, and Sergeant-Major Stinkworthy on this exciting adventure as they fight Beastie Boars, seek out the ghost of Gaston Y Goatwich, and race against time to save the Flanagan family from a teeny tiny fate.