Realization

“Almost” So close, I was right there and you were one more touch away from dragging me down that endless road of chemical driven feelings that are so conveniently called love. Was it just another fake smile or maybe a time not ready to be lived? Such a thought wondered is the one I almost always have in my grasp. Just another page in my book, just another planned moment I thought would develop into a new reality. A blank perception once again has blinded me to the lingering existence of my loneliness. Wishful thinking it is so simply called to thrive for the one thing you will never have though its very essence insures a breath from your wasted body every morning you wake to live yet another day with the same ending you dread living. Alone again in this bed, this pattern of thought bringing me to this place, the same conclusion to every game I would rather not play. What purpose could there be in this illusion of happiness when my dreams fi nd the reality I long for? Will these words ever stumble upon the path that will make this life the one I should be living.