I Hate Myself and Want to Die
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In my mind stabbing at vein with a needle is a part of a normal life. Its what I’ve wanted since I learned that my idols were Heroin addicts. Back when I was in seventh grade. Since then I strived to become a junky. Living in Green Bay Wisconsin a relatively small city, proved finding Heroin a difficulty. Opiate pain pills on the other hand just fell into my lap. At nineteen my father was prescribed Percocets and a few months later they switched the prescription to Oxycontin. I soon began snorting the Oxycontin on a daily basis. This went on for a year and a half. I always had a supply so I never had to go through withdrawal. At 21 I moved to Appleton Wisconsin with my boyfriend at the time. This is were I met drug dealing brothers. The sold Dilauded 8mgs and Heroin. I had finally found Heroin. The brothers showed me how to inject the Heroin into my veins. At which time I became a daily IV drug user. The brothers were addicts themselves, and the Heroin and Diluaded would always run out before the end of the month. This is when I first got dope sick. I was hooked. I began to Doctor shop when my drug dealers were out of drugs. Always for Dilauded. I’d sell a story of being a AIDS patient with a CD four count of some low count such as thirty one, and a viral load of 5,000. I would complain of pain in my legs from a neuropathy. The jig worked most of the time. As a junky I looked like death warmed over, and the Doctor took pity on me and what he thought was my emanate death from AIDS. After a few months of Doctor shopping the Doctors began to get suspicious. They stop writing the prescription and made me for an addict. Soon no Doctor would write me a script. I would travel all around Wisconsin to go to Doctors. One day I ended up at a Doctor I used to go to when I was in high school. I gave him my speal of AIDS, and low CD four counts with high viral loads. He wouldn’t write me out Dilauded, but he was going to write me out Vicoden. He ended up leaving the Prescription pad in the room alone with me. I tore off a page, and wrote out my own script to Diluaded. After getting the prescription filled, I drove to Florida. I knew I was in trouble. I stayed there for a month. I found a Heroin connection there, and decided to move down to Florida. I just had to dive back to Wisconsin to get my things. When I got back to Wisconsin I got pulled over by the Police and was arrested for Prescription fraud. I was sent to jail straight away. I was released the next day on a signature bond, and on advice of my lawyer I was in rehab the next morning. a treatment facility to stay out of jail. As I was looking at three years in prison for my crime.
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About the Book
For Anna Young, stabbing at her veins with a needle was a normal part of life. It’s what she had wanted since she learned in seventh grade that her idols were heroin addicts. She strived to become a junkie and was successful. In I Hate Myself and Want to Die, Young recounts her struggles with drugs, suicide, and bipolar disorder. Honest and self-disclosing, Young narrates the intimate details of her drug use and the path to addiction, her time spent in jail and detox, the ravages of withdrawal, her efforts to rehabilitate, her unsuccessful attempts to commit suicide, and her diagnosis with bipolar disorder. This memoir provides a behind-the-scenes and firsthand look at the trials of drug addiction, its wide-reaching effects, and the very real challenge of recovery. I walk into my new cell; it is lockdown after lunch … I … lay my head down to ease my headache from the bright lights. I just sit in my bed and shake, sweat, and groan. Once in a while I drift off to sleep. I dream about Elle and getting high, and then I am startled awake. I stare at the ceiling looking for a spot to hang myself.
About the Author
Anna Young graduated from Oconto Falls High School (Wisconsin) in 2001. At age seventeen, she began using prescription drugs and escalated to heroin. She also suffers from bipolar disorder. Young lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin, with her father, her mother, and her dog, Eleanor Rigby. Visit her online at ppfaceannagrace.blogspot.com.