Brothers Mine

Big Mike’s notoriety, as far as I am concerned, began in Heaven. Upon my startin’ a war… yeah, I did. Started a fuckin’ war in Heaven, I did. Not a huge-ass war, mind you. Never had a chance to get past a pitiful skirmish, man. Uh-uh, nope. My Big Kahuna, Jehovah, recruited Michael to put an end to that nonsense. He did. Fuckin’ kicked ass until his shoes were shitty, man. Big Mike is one ferocious warrior. You sure couldn’t tell it just by bein’ around him, though. He be laidback and mellow – until provoked. Shit, Superman and the Lone Ranger ain’t got nothin’ on him, man… Okay, okay, for those of you who can’t figure out why I threw that in, back in the 70’s a cool dude by the name of Jim Croce wrote and sang a song – “YOU DON’T MESS AROUND WITH JIM”. It says: “YOU DON’T TUG ON SUPERMAN’S CAPE, YOU DON’T SPIT INTO THE WIND. YOU DON’T PULL THE MASK OFF THE OLE LONE RANGER, AND YOU DON’T MESS AROUND WITH JIM”. You don’t wanna fuck wit Michael – no way, man. But you know what? I love him anyhow and he sure as shit don’t hold nothin’ against me. He had a job to do, he did it, and let the four winds blow, man. That be Mike all the way. 4 Way back then, music wasn’t what it is nowadays. In Heaven, one could hear music alla da time, sure, but hey man – and not to knock it or badmouth it, man – but it was like fuckin’ elevator music. You know what I’m sayin’, Vern? No voices, just soft, easy-listenin’ instrumental kinda music. But it was enough to get Michael movin’, man. He would find a rhythm in it that would set him to swayin’ to and fro… Now, I don’t fuckin’ – to this day – know what the fuck “to and fro” means. I mean, is it swayin’ from left to right, front to back, round-n-round… what, already? Don’t matter, Michael was inta alla it, man. Right to left, too. Michael digs music, man. And then he discovered dancin’. At first, dancin’ – as far as I am concerned – sucked. I’m talkin’ sophisticated dancin’ – you know, like the kings and queens and alla their subjects used to do when they threw their funky parties. Boriiing, man. Fuckin’ capitol “B” – boring. Was Michael there? Fuckin’-A he was. He had no problem mixin’ in, man. Even back then, wasn’t no one gonna walk up to him and say, “Who are you and what the fuck you doin’ here?” I don’t think so, man. Not only is Michael huge, but back then, humans tended to be somewhat short by today’s standards. Had to do wit their diet and shit. In the 1920’s and inta da 30’s, Michael went totally apeshit. We be talkin’ da Charleston, Hot-footin’, and a whole lot of other then wild-ass dances, man. He was surely in his element. Oh yeah, quite a few years ago – probably centuries in your time – Michael discovered “BEER”. I think it was when he was backpackin’ through Egypt. Maybe before that, but it was so long ago that I don’t remember exactly when and where. It ain’t like I got nothin’ ta do but keep an eye on Big Mike, man. I gots a fuckin’ job ta do.