A Life Is Worth Living

My mind wandered to my family during these early days of being a Christian. I know now that I was loved by my Dad, Mom and brothers, each in their own way, and that my perception was clouded as I had just spent two years possessed by a demon. I had been told constantly by it how everyone hated me, and that no one would miss me, and that I should just end my life now. I remembered that I had tried to commit suicide a few times too, and thankfully, I was unsuccessful. It is always worth living. We never know what God is preparing us to be able to do in the future, and things are never permanently bad. Sooner or later we get through all challenges. Nevertheless, during this time of possession I made my parents and my brothers’ lives hell. So I understand how they appeared to me as not too loving. Of course they also expected me to be hostile and hurtful, and for self-preservation reasons put distance between them and me. Satan of course used this to confuse me into believing that they were purposefully, and hatefully rejecting me, which simply re-enforced my belief that no one loved me. A vicious downwards spiral of self-confidence. On one particular day, when I was only seventeen years old, about six months after becoming a Christian, at a Bible study, one of the Christian brothers attending, had said that God had told them something. Me in my ignorance and arrogance, immediately rebuffed him and told him, in a very corrective tone, that God only talks through the words of the Bible, and that He doesn’t talk in any other way anymore. This person, had not resisted me, but simply spoke very gently, challenging me to go home and ask God to speak to me. His response assured me that I had missed out on something important, and so I did so. I went home, went into my room and sat quietly on my bed for about half an hour. Initially I just talked and prayed to Him. I had told Him that I was not going anywhere until He spoke to me, and that I could be patient, and wait all night if I had to. I did NOT empty my mind, because I knew from experience that simply emptying your mind is one way to get demonic activity operating in your life. So I sat reading God’s Word, listening to praise and worship music, and all the while, waiting expectantly. I waited for about twenty minutes or so. Suddenly the words just popped into my mind, and I heard God so crystal clearly, that I was surprised. I heard His words: “I have waited seventeen years to tell you that I love you.” The words were accompanied by a wave of peace and gentleness. I simply broke down, and cried very many tears, as I felt Him wrap me up in love, like a parent wraps a baby up after their bath in a very thick soft duvet, into which they can snuggle. From that day on we spoke to each other, me learning to make space for Him to talk and giving Him permission to interrupt my thoughts and my life if He thought it was better for me than my own plans were. There is so much more to share of an incredible journey with God that anyone can have if they just learn to look -- This book shows you what to look for, and how to truly enjoy Jesus, and gain a life worth living.